As much as I felt at home at the last workaway, so much I felt lost at the place where I arrived last night. I was really looking forward to this project. Working in a bar of which all the profits are donated to a wildlife center, an opportunity to visit the wildlife center and a nice house where all the volunteers live togheter along with two very cute dogs and two temporary and adorable foster puppies. It sounded so good, the reviews where really good and it seemed like the perfect place for me. But then I was there, all the above was true, no false advertisement what so ever but I just felt so out of my comfort zone. The longer I was in the volunteer house, the more I felt like I needed to leave. It was so weired because I didn’t really got to know anyone and there was absolutely no objective reason for me to feel like that. Of the people I did meet I got a good first impression, they all seemed like good people. I just could not shake the feeling I did not belong there.
I’ll try to explain with this metaphore. Everybody emits an energy, like waves eminating from yourself, sine waves. Some people have almost the same wavelength and when you meet them, the waves resonate, this means that without even talking for very long you connect with this person. If the wavelengths are too diferent there is no click. It is not a bad thing, it does not mean you can not aprecciate or respect this person but that is all it will be. This is how I felt in the volunteer house, like my energy and the houses energy just collided. Just being there made me remember all the places I just not had felt at home. All the places where I was not able to be truely myself. They eat away my energy and there is nothing I can do. I could have persisted and stayed, do the work I was supposed to do but I just know I wouldn’t have fitted in. I wouldn’t have been able to be 100% Freya and I like to be 100% Freya. Does this make any sence?
So I left. I hope I did not cause anyone to much of an inconvenience but sometimes you have to think about yourself, your peace of mind. Now I am in a hostel called ‘Wrong Place’. Ooh the irony, this place feels so much less like the wrong place compared to the volunteer house. You just can not make stuff like this up.
I actually already decided last night to leave the house. This morning, when I woke up my first thought was to give the entire thing a chance but after an hour I felt miserable again without any good reason. I packed my bag, left a note with the key and walked away. It felt right. I felt less lost wandering the streets of Kuching with all my stuff then being in that house. It felt liberating to just leave although Kuching is completely new to me and I didn’t have any idea where to go. I just started walking and found the city center. Walking gave me some peace of mind. I started feeling more and more like Freya again. When I reached the river I sat down on a bench after a few minutes an old man came up to me and started to talk to me. He told me the philosophy of life. He was 80 yaers old but looked 65. He also told me the secret to al long and healthy life. I will dedicate an entire blogpost to this peculiar encounter because it was just so noteworthy.
When he left, I wandered around for a bit. Three random strangers wanted to have a pictures with me, I guess they are still not very used to white people here although this town is quite touristic. After a while I found “the wrong place” that seemed to be the right place.